my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
