You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
