walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
