Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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