We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
