I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
