2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Help. Why am I so naked?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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