How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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