Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize