omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
