So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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