Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
