Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
