If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize