You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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