I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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