two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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