I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
