He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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