I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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