Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize