He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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