well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
