She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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