so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
