dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
