yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
wrigley field is MILF paradise
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
