i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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