Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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