Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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