I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize