Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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