So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
