i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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