I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
