you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can you bring me the toilet please
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
