Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
