got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
