Just cropdusted the office
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
