Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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