I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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