I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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