bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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