So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
