I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just pee around me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize