Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
