I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize