i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
