she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
