Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
