you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
