i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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