so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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