last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
