he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
