sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
