just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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