I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
