Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
