Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
