Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
