I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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