"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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