I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
where are you?
Hypothermia
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize