good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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