I'm so fucking centered right now
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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