So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
