then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
