Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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