no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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