I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
