i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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