Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
