the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
