I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
