I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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