ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
