I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
