i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
