So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
