going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
