Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
