The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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