it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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