Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
