Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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