at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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