My room smells like vodka and shame
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
