Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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