He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
