I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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