The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
