why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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