If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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