we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
